I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
