Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
