10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
