If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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