she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.