Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie