What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?