I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.