The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
