The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
