what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
