My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
