Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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