matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
