I need to stop coming to work sober
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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