We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
