I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
