If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
