one two three fourrrrnication!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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