my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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