God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize