let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
