He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
