I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
