I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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