dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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