'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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