Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
