I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
