she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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