Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
