Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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