She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
