If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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