I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
