The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
