So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Text me some of your sweat
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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