God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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