I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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