i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
