How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
