mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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