I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
