just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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