Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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