Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize