Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
