i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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