I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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