Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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