My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
