I wish i was in the wii world.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
