he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
