I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
