i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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