I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
