I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
