who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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