i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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