i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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