are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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