That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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