Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
actually, I'm a sock model
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
