i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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