i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
