I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
