i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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