I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
