My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
