My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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