just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
