i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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